Bittersweet Time of Year

 Yesterday was Halloween and the day of my birth, so of course, Halloween and October is my favorite time of the year. It is the change of season and the mornings are cool crisp.  The earth sheds its summer greens and the colors of fall pop everywhere.  Growing up with your birthday on Halloween was the best; back in the late sixties in a small rural farm town everyone made home treats that were the best candies and treats ever.

There were hay rides, pumpkin carving and haunted barns. Fall festivals, carnivals and rodeos were the social events.  Most important was home coming and fall break. It was the time of year that everyone took a deep breath and let them has a few days of relaxation after a hot busy summer.

So being a child of this time of year it has always been when I feel revitalized and closest to my inner self. This is the way it used to be for me during this month.

Then it changed forever in 2008, for that was the year my dear mother was diagnosed with cancer. In her true fashion of always being in control, mom had the last word. As we finished up our bed time routine, she looked at me and said "Happy Birthday son". It was the last thing my mother ever said to me.

My mother past 6 years ago today. It is very difficult to enjoy something when it becomes associated with the death of a loved one. It took time for me to work through accepting my mother would want me to continue my love of this part of the year and not dwell on her death. 

I have accepted but it does not stop me from having my moment of regret that she is not here for my birthday. I miss my cohort in Halloween fun which one time included her picking out hair dye that gave me a great shade of dark red. I take great comfort that she left us on All Saints Day. For to me, mom was a Saint she put up with all the crap I provided over the years being just like her made it worse. Granny warned her about having one child just like her was pay back.

Well Granny was right, I am my mother's son, more like her every day and damn proud of it. For Mom gave me her strength to stand up for others, take no crap for what I believe in and to speak my mind no matter what others think.

So even though his time of year is a bittersweet for me now, I hold on to all the wonderful memories my Mom gave me over the years. She will always be my guardian angel and I will continue to honor her by being her son.  For October, Halloween and All Saints Day have taken on a new meaning for me. A time of renewal, a time of death, a time to honor the most important woman in my life.

Thanks Mom and I will keep dancin'.  Larry B