For My Best Friend, Luke Henry-Words of Remembrance

Luke asked me several months ago to speak for him at his funeral. I asked him if he was sure because he had others in his life that had known him longer if not his whole life. He gave me that typical Luke cockeyed expression and said “You are my Best Friend, You take care of me and I asked you—Yes or No!"

So I stood before those there to celebrate my Best Friend’s Life, honored to have had the privilege of knowing such a remarkable young man. Blessed to have had him in my life and  to call him my true Best Friend.

I struggled from that day to the day of the funeral on how to make Luke proud that he asked me to speak. How do you summarize a person’s life and really get across just who that person was. Each of us had our own unique perspective of who Luke Allen Henry was and what he meant to each one of us.

Luke was a son to Sarah and Butch.  A brother to Brian, a brother in law to Melissa, husband to Joyce, brother in law to Rob, son in law to William and Levena. He was an uncle, he was a colleague, and he was a friend.  The number one thing that Luke Henry was and I got to see this first hand so many times was he was a DAD to Michael and Katelyn.

Luke was a kid from Paducah, who was afraid of storms and took refuge till Sarah came in from work at Marilyn Stewart’s home.

Luke was a member of the Boys’ Choir; he had a beautiful voice from a young age. He befriended and showed kindness to a young boy named Glen. He toured Europe with the choir and even brought small gifts back for so many including his teachers at the church.

As young professional designing books at Turner Publishing, he was  brilliant at problem solving, and tormented Ina Morse with practical jokes at her expense. She told me that the one great memory she had of Luke was when he came to work one day and quietly told her he had met a girl... He told Ina how sweet and nice she was and how much he liked being with her. Ina said just by the tone of his voice and facial expressions, she knew he was already hooked on this girl named Joyce.

Luke had a quick wit and quirky sense of humor. This was one of the first things that I realized and from talking to his longtime friends he had this from an early age. Ina, Michelle, Joellyn and Glen, just to name a few all said when you were with Luke you were sure to laugh and sometimes at your own expense but always in a good natured way. I can attest to that as well.

Luke had a way with people although he described himself to me as a loner. He said that was why he went into computers and IT so he could work alone and at his pace.

After his Diagnosis, I saw all this support for him on his Facebook page, I told him you may see yourself as a loner but you are one loner that has touched a lot of souls. You have this vast support system whether you realize it or not.

Let me explain how Luke and I met and you will see what type of person he was. I teach line dancing as a way for me to exercise and relax. I had been trying get a contract with City of Clarksville. I decided I was going to canvas the Parks and Rec department till I got the right person. I thought okay anyone one with city id badge was my target this one day. Luke was coming out of the Parks and Rec building. I spotted ID and swooped in. Introduced myself, gave him my card and started my spill. He was very polite said he was in IT department and was not sure who I should speak too...

I thought okay, nice man but waste of my time. I got nothing but I told him you have my card with my phone and email, if you think of a name let me know. So I went into the P and R and was told the Lady I needed to see was on vacation to come back. The following week, I was back at city and the first person I saw as I got out of my van was Luke Henry.

Now I remembered his name because he was the first Luke I had ever truly met. I struck up another conversation, expressed my frustration with trying to get into see the right person with City. He might have thought I was stalking him because he was walking to his car and I just kept walking with him and chatting. Into the P & R building this time lady was in budget meeting.

A Week later I got a call to come in to discuss possibility of a class. The week after that I signed a contract, as I was signing the contract and Melissa stated that Luke Henry from IT had put in a good word on my behalf.

I got back to my office and sent Luke an email thanking him for putting a good word in for me.  That it was greatly appreciated especially since he really only met me a couple times. His response, "I figured you were a nice guy and was trying hard to get yourself established. No big deal."

Luke did not know just how big a deal this contract was to me... we kept in touch via email and our friendship just grew from that point on.

Luke became more than a friend to me. I called him my Little Bro. He was funny, a great sense of humor and a big heart. We simply clicked in so many ways.

Luke was a man of faith and he renewed my faith, just watching how he handled his diagnosis. He was at peace with the diagnosis and eventual outcome from the beginning.

Now I have been a nurse for over 31 years, I have worked in Hospice, long term disability and many other arenas. I never met a young man so at peace.  To tell you the truth it frustrated me to no end.  I wanted to scream, be angry, cry and yet Luke simply said God had told him as he sat at his favorite place on earth (Morton's overlook in the Smokey Mountains) “to Prepare” and that was what he planned to do.

He started calling me His Bulldog because if he mentioned something he needed or wanted to do for the kids or himself, I made it happen.

I organized his FB supporters into Luke’s Angels so as a group we could assist Luke with whatever he wanted to do with the kids or for himself.

Luke wanted to take Michael on his first airplane ride and he did

Luke wanted to take Katelyn to have an American Girl Experience and He did

Luke wanted a tattoo, he designed it and he got it with my encouragement. That night I almost lost Best Friend Status, I got two tattoos that night and he said I made it look so easy and not painful. I got the Luke Look for couple hours while he was getting his done.

Luke wanted to go tandem Hang gliding and I agreed to do it with him. I found the perfect place near Chattanooga, you could go 1500 feet or 3000 feet. I told Luke if we were doing it and I was being attached to a Big Kite then it was the 3000 foot flight.  It was the most amazing experience and a fantastic weekend for us to share.

He started living by a quote that he had put in his tattoo design.  He later learned it was from Mohammed Ali. “Don’t Count the Days Make the Days Count”. Luke did just that he made every day count especially for Katelyn and Michael.

Luke Henry 5/14/69-I have quoted that statement what seems like a hundred times for Luke over the past few months. That name and date are for every ingrained in my soul.  So much so that I recently went to an appointment for myself on the medical form for date of birth I instantly wrote 5/14/69. I had to really think hard to remember my own DOB.

Luke A Henry, man of faith, son, brother, husband, Dad, Best Friend. We will always have you in our hearts and know you will always be watching over us here. We will miss you and Love you my friend...

 

keep dancin' Larry B

 

 

 

A Man and His Word!

A repost in honor of my Best Friend Luke Henry.  Little Bro. I kept my word as I said I would. Miss you..

I am always amazed when I tell someone I will do something and when I do it; how surprised they seem to be that I am a person that keeps his word.  I suppose we all become jaded toward our fellow man that we expect nothing. So we are surprised when someone actually does what they say they will do.

I was reared in the Midwest and it was instilled into me as a young child that you do whatever you state you will do.  Be that for the family, friends or strangers.   I was taught that you treat others as you wish to be treated. You state you will do something you do it and that everyone was the same in God’s eye and you should treat everyone the same.

I strive to be a good man and to do whatever I can to help others in need. I see so much hate, so much distrust and so much of the “ME” attitude around me. I can understand at times because of the economy, stress of job and family that one can become this way easily.  I can say that I have seen less of this since moving back to the Midwest and it is very refreshing to actually have others even say “hello”,” thank you” and “How may I help you”.

Is it that in the larger metropolitan areas that everyone is just too busy trying to survive?  They have forgotten that the only way to truly survive is to reach out to others, to accept the differences that God has created and to treat each other with respect and dignity.  I don’t have the answers and probably never will.

I know that who I am I cannot change. I know I will always look after my family, my friends and try to help complete strangers. It is what I do and hopefully it is enough.  I may not be rich in terms of wealth but I am rich beyond believe with love, understanding and compassion for those in my life and those that I encounter along the way in this life.

I recently told a  friend that is dealing with a health crisis that no matter what I was going to be there to assist him and his family. I was not going anywhere. It is who I was, that once you become a friend you become part of my family. I am like an old grizzly bear protective to my last breath.  I think at first he was skeptical that I would be there for him and his family.  I think he has come to realize that I am a man of my word. 

I honor my word, with action and not just speech. I honor my family and my beliefs by doing the best I can each and every day.  It is who I am, it is what I am.  Who among you can say the same?

Friendship

This is a repost of an article that was published back in January and inspired by my Friend Luke Henry.

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say.

Friendship is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy. As such, friendship is undoubtedly central to our lives, in part because the special concern we have for our friends must have a place within a broader set of concerns, including moral concerns, and in part because our friends can help shape who we are as persons.

Developing friendships can be difficult in today’s society. Who can you trust with the intimate details of your life?  Who is not just out there to use you and then discard you once they achieve their goal? We face this every day and moving to a new location only emphasizes the difficulty of meeting and making new friends.

Yet there are times in your life that you happen to talk to a person for short time, then by chance meet them again. You talk and in only a few moments of conversation you know in your heart that this is a good person and worthy of exploring a friendship. I have had this awesome experience a few times in my life that only after a brief conversation knew that person and I would become long lasting friends.

This recently occurred and I know my life has been enriched by meeting this person.  This new found friend is someone that I instantly felt comfortable to open my life too and have developed a close connection within just a short time.  They say the Good Lord places people in our lives at certain times for a reason and I believe this to be the case.

For there is no other reason I can think of that we would meet; start developing such a great friendship and then he is diagnosed with Cancer.  I felt cheated, upset, and simply royally pissed off. I mean why him and why now.  God knows I don’t make friends easily; this hillbilly can be a difficult person to deal with to say the least.  So yes, I was a little ticked off.

Since my Mom’s passing, I call upon her for guidance; she after all is one of my guardian angels. As I was talking to her the other night, this beautiful white tail Doe walks out of the woods and comes within 20 feet of me. She did not run off but simply stood there and stare directly at me. For me that was the sign I needed, I knew I was on the right path at this juncture in my life.

I knew in my heart what I had to do, first I had to come to terms with the fact that my friend was in a crisis.  The next thing was simple; to have friends you have to be one and I am determined to be the best friend this individual has ever had in his life. 

Of course, I have teased him because you know laughter is the best medicine; He now has to deal with the stubborn Hillbilly who will badger him to stay motivated, positive and to take every day by the horns.  

The following are two quotes that really hit home for me when it comes to friendship. The first is just one I think is cute yet true, the last one is one that is close to my heart and the way I feel about my friends.

“If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them.”

A friend is someone who, upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain, than to have to watch their friend suffer.
-- Amanda Gier

So yes, as always WE will Keep Dancin’ Larry B

Respect the Patient

I recently was put in the position to be my best friend's Power of Attorney and Medical Advocate while on a trip to Florida.  When the two of us traveled anywhere we carry the necessary paperwork so we were prepared. I recommend everyone to prepare Advance Medical Directives and to have several copies distributed to you medical provider and your designated advocate. Emergencies can happen without notice and it is only prudent to be prepared.

We experienced top profession care and service in the Emergency Room at University Hospital to get Luke stabilized. The nursing staff was respectful and recognized my role as his Advocate and POA.  They worked quickly and constantly talked to Luke as they did their duties. They sought my input and approval on all procedures.

Our experience in the Intensive Care Unit was again top of the line in care. The physicians consulted on Luke's case also respected my role and allowed me to give Luke's current medical history, recent lad results and treatment. They respected the plan that Luke and I had agreed to prior to this incident which was to get him stable enough to get back to his medical team at Vanderbilt in Nashville.

Once Luke was moved to the medical floor is where we encountered our issues with the staff. Several staff members came into room stated what they planned to do and not one of the introduced themselves or acknowledged Luke. I asked about a private room and was spoken to like I was a misbehaved child. So I simply asked to speak to the nursing supervisor.

I explained who I was in relation to Luke and related that her staff needed to have a refresher on respecting the patient and family. I explained what had occurred in the first two hours of being brought to the floor. I advised her that since Luke was having some confusion issues that it was important for staff to identify themselves upon entering room and that should be common practice for all patients.

I advised her I would be speaking to each shift on what I expected for Luke and she agreed with everything.  A few days later, she stopped me in hall and asked if everything was going well. I told her that I had seen a change in behaviors in just a few days.

As a nurse, I understand the stress of working on a hospital floor but it was important to me to always introduce myself and develop a bond with all my patients and family. As a patient advocate, it was my duty to ensure Luke was treated with care and respect.

It is the responsibility of all nurses to remember that we are not just providing care but are also patient advocates. We are to hold each person in the highest regard and respect. As the corporations that operate our hospitals continue to work on ways to cut cost which usually means nurse/patient ratio will eventually increase, it becomes more important for there to be patient advocates for when the patient is not able to speak up for themselves.

If I had not had the appropriate paperwork, Luke and I would have had a different experience when dealing with this health crisis. If I had not been there to speak up for Luke, he would not been treated with the respect he deserved or possibly the care he needed timely. Not so much because the staff did not care but due to work load.

As a Medical professional, I have believe we need to take a more active role in dealing with those in control of the administration of facilities we find ourselves in. There needs to be more education for professional and laymen on patient advocacy. Each of us needs to ensure the proper paperwork is completed and distributed so your Advance Medical Directives are known and your Medical Advocates are able to ensure they are followed.

Keep Dancin' Larry B

Memories of Maine

I was looking through old articles and saw this one from Ms. Honey. In celebration of her Birthday week, here is a repost from 2009....

From the moment we first made the trip to the mobile home at Wells Beach, the kids as well as Andy and I, just could not get enough of Maine. Not even the freezing cold water deterred the kids, of course, they were young. Picking Mussels off the rocks and crab catching was just the start of their summer fun. The mobile home park offered a lot of activities for the whole family from swimming, sports and a great recreational hall. 

A ride up the coast to Old Orchard Beach was a day of exploration for the kids, walking the beach and searching for treasure. All the while, mom was soaking up the sun  and relaxing the afternoon away.

When we bought the first beach house, the kids were older and the boys took up scuba diving and Andrea was the bathing beauty type.  The boys would take off to the cove and catch Lobsters for Andy and I to prepare.  Our family summers in Maine were beautiful, we would have great clam bakes on the deck of the beach house. The boys would invite their buddies up for the weekend, some time up to 8 teenage boys would be running around the place.  I can't recall the number of bushels of clams, mussels and sweet corn devoured on those weekends.

The neighbors were not always happy to see the boys arrive and set up camp in the lot beside the house. Andy had to field a few complaints due to the boys being loud late into the night,  yet  fun for all during those wonderful summer days.

By the time, the chalet was built, the kids were all grown and it was more of a time for Andy and I to enjoy our time in Maine.  I remember one week that my son, Brian and his buddies went up to paint the  chalet. Andy and I went up a few weeks later and boys being boys, we found evidence of girls being there as well. The pantyhose and Bra were great clues. The “boys” knew nothing about these items or how the beer bottle caps and labels got stuck to the front of the built in bar. 

The last time, Andy Jr. was at the chalet was on his honeymoon. His two Chows and of course, his bride had a great time. Then Brian with his wife and kids, Kim and Brian Jr. made visit on their own.

When I there alone in the summer, I took a part time job at Old Orchard Beach, where my friend owned a bathing suit and Beach Shop. That was fun for two years. Finally our lives got more involved in Florida and we were just not traveling to Maine as much so in 1990, the chalet was sold.

I miss it now but oh what great memories of our family summers in beautiful Maine.

 Quick New England Stuffed Mussels or Clams

 Steam claims or mussels in water and white wine with garlic, just till they open

Sprinkle season bread crumbs with grated cheese over each one. Drizzle melted butter and put under broiler, just till cheese melts

Enjoy with fresh squeezed lemon.  What a way to end a fun filled Beach Day..

In Loving Memory of  Ellen Valinski our Ms. Honey

Summer Weddings

I recently received a wedding invitation from two friends.  They had decided to tie the knot at the end of July.  I was thrilled when I got the invitation, these two has been dating for years and I had actually introduced them one summer at Barkley Lake in Kentucky. After reading the invitation a second time it sunk in that they were planning an outdoor wedding and in the heat of the Midwest summer.

Now I realize that May through August is the number one popular time of year to get married. Summer weddings are full of sunshine and warmth, and allow you to get married outside in good weather. Summer weddings are ripe for an outdoor setting such as a beach, a garden, or a beautiful yard. Couples love to take advantage of the long days with an afternoon wedding, or highlight the glorious sunsets by saying your vows as the sun goes down behind you.

That is all fine for the happy couple but as a guest at an outdoor wedding, how would I or anyone survive the heat while still looking chic and cool.  Not screaming," I'm Melting" just when the Reverend ask if anyone know what these two should not be married.  I am sorry if I am hot and sweating I may give them a few reasons why the ceremony needs to be finished quickly.

The best summer wedding that I have attended was for my best friends here in Florida. They decided to have a pool party themed wedding. The guests were advised to wear or bring their swim suits and that the reception would be poolside.  So even though they elected to be married under the coolness of air conditioning the reception was outside and everyone had a great day.

So as the happy event approaches for my friends in Kentucky, I thought I would advise the bride to of some tips she might want to send to her wedding guest to ensure everyone is comfortable and not passing out due to the humidity of the Kentucky summer.

 Outfit Look for a cotton sundress, slacks, or other clothing made of natural fibers. Loose fitting clothing will be your friend. For men, consider a light tan suit, cotton khakis, or the old-fashioned chic of seersucker.

Stay Hydrated Everyone knows water helps keep you cool. So carry a bottle of water in your purse. If you're a man, ask your date to hold it for you, or bring it in a white gift bag.

Horses Sweat, Men Perspire, Ladies Glow To combat sweat, for you ladies, don't cover your face with a thick layer of powder. Instead, do what top beauty editors do to rid themselves of shine - blotting papers. These powdery pieces of paper will absorb oils without coating skin.  Men bring along a handkerchief so you have an appropriate cloth to blot your brow as well.

The Wedge Will Save You! Stilletos are great, but they won't work at an outdoor wedding. Whether sinking into the grass, or tripping on cobblestones, you'll wish you'd worn a more sensible shoe. A Wedge will be far more comfortable. Or, you can go for the very trendy ballerina flat.

Wear Sunscreen- It may seem like a no-brainer, but sunscreen is a must. Especially when you're trying to stay cool, the last thing you want is blistering sunburn. You never know when the sun will shift, and you'll be standing in full sun, without the possibility of moving to shade.

I know the day will be a great time for all that participate, the location the couple have chosen is beautiful and has a great number of large trees. Now if I can just convince them that the guest chairs need to be lined up in the shade of those trees.

Keep Dancin  Larry B

"The Game of Life" Start your own coaching

Have you ever been a coach to a neighborhood team? I know how it feels the first time I've coached a team of kids and how much they can really test my patience, not to mention sanity as they run around like ants to a huge, white crumb. It feels strange at first, having to be stared at by a bunch of kids who know that I'm not the one in the field. Sounds wrong in a sense, right? But what is the deal about coaching?

Coaching is all about being a well, 'coach' in the corporate world of handlers, front-liners and even a couple of benchwarmers biding their time to be given a chance to perform. I know how that feels when I go back to my regular day job. Some players are just MVP material, and some of them are just to support the MVP's so why bother sticking around? It sounds ironic when they say 'there is no I in team', but even the underachievers can be sore losers as well.

These are steps that can be done within the day, and no matter what, it takes determination to be a coach.

1. There is a WHOLE lot of talk these days about Corporate Team Building. There are many, many options: vacation packages, rope courses, on-going office games, ice-breakers, etc. Management can also purchase videos, books, and seminar packages to assist them in building up their organization into a team worthy of belonging.

2. The truth about motivation is waiting to be grasped! It is ripe and ready for you to put into action today. Don't settle for mind-numbing gibberish. Get practical in 3 small ways to begin looking forward to your alarm clock sounding off each morning before you huddle with the team.

3. Experience is the best thing despite of what course you graduated in. There is something about being a people person who knows how to stir the energetic side of one individual, and more so when you mix it up with an entire team.

4. To question a person by his or her performance is sometimes required, but never question their knowledge or their intelligence. Sadly, I have seen a few mistakes from past coaches who never seem to understand what a player has to go through to get the job right. It will lead to further aggravation and maybe even hostility. If you want the job done right, then go do it yourself. You'll see how it is to be at the receiving end and it will help your set a much better course for improvement.

5. Sending a player to the bench is probably the worse experience a coach has to go through, especially if your player is the top performer. In dealing with this kind of person, see to it that he spills his guts voluntarily. Egotism in a performer tends to make them lose their focus on even the smallest mistakes, then you can catch him or her red handed. Be firm, but understanding about it.

6. Don't allow your position to blind you from what you are supposed to do. Even coaches are human enough to think that they are far more superior, but only by rank. Even if you have been in their shoes, it's better to dole out a piece of wisdom in order for them to realize that this will be for their own benefit.

7. Lastly, you should learn to trust yourself and your team. Decisions and performance are primarily your goals, and there are many of them to see if they could perform the task much more efficiently. So before you think about sending one member to the bench, have a good chat with him or her and see if they have any problems. If it's too personal, then just encourage them to do their best and it also helps to give them a good, encouraging slap on the back.

I guess there's all there is to it. Being a corporate drone myself, I know how important it is for a company to be successful, and we're all part of that success. Coaches are there not to make your work a little difficult just because you have either an attitude problem or not much a performer, but they're the guides who will help you perform as hard as you can possibly can. You'll do them proud one of these days, as well as yourself.

Thank you for taking the time to review our blog. We hope you find this series of articles related to self-improvement and development of benefit.

Keep Dancin’  Larry B