Dealing with Loss of a Loved One

I recently lost one of the Best Friends a person could ever have in their life. I was fortunate to be Luke’s primary caregiver during the last 5 months of his life. I would not have changed that for anything for as far as I was concern I was the only one capable of caring for him and being his advocate with the medical professionals. Dealing with the loss of Luke Henry has brought back memories of taking care of my mother and it has been a difficult time for me, emotionally and mentally.  I am a Registered Nurse; I knew what to expect and what was the most likely outcome of Luke’s Diagnosis. I think it is harder to deal, with a loss of a loved one, knowing this information than if I did not know what to expect.

Grief is the normal internal feeling one experience in reaction to a loss, while bereavement is the state of having experienced that loss. The death of a loved one is one of life’s most difficult experiences. The seven emotional stages of grief are shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope. Symptoms of grief can be emotional, physical, social, or religious in nature. Even though I can put into words what is expected or what to expect with this loss. I still have to accept the loss of my friend and work through the stages of grief like everyone else.

The type of grief, I experienced is called Anticipatory grief. It is defined as the feelings loved ones have in reaction to knowing that someone they care about is terminally ill. It occurs before the death of the afflicted loved one and can be an important part of the grieving process since this allows time for loved ones to say goodbye to the terminally ill individual, begin to settle affairs, and plan for the funeral or other rituals on behalf of the person who is dying.  Even though I had time to say good bye, help Luke with settling his affairs and plan out his funeral, the loss is still difficult. Luke was more than just a Best Friend; he was loved like a little brother and will always have a special place in my heart.

There is no set time limit on grieving; each individual has to work through the grieving process at their own pace. Grief does not always unfold in orderly, predictable stages. It can be an emotional rollercoaster, with unpredictable highs, lows, and setbacks. Everyone grieves differently, so avoid telling the bereaved what he or she “should” be feeling or doing. Often, he or she feels isolated and alone in his or her grief, but having someone to lean on can help him or her through the grieving process. I am fortunate that I have the support of my partner Paul, Luke’s family and all the other wonderful friends in my life.

Recently, someone called and stated they had delayed in calling because they did not know what to say to me regarding the loss of Luke. I too have had that delayed reaction to other experiencing a loss of a loved one. It’s often hard to know what to say or do when someone you care about is grieving. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making the person feel even worse. Or maybe you feel there’s little you can do to make things better. While you can’t take away the pain of the loss, you can provide much-needed comfort and support. Don’t let discomfort prevent you from reaching out to someone grieving. Now, more than ever, your support is needed. You might not know exactly what to say or what to do, but that’s okay. You don’t need to have answers or give advice. The most important thing you can do for a grieving person is to simply be there; your support and caring presence will help him or her cope with the pain and begin to heal.

I know all of us that knew and loved Luke are still in the midst of our grieving process. It will take us all time; the support of each other and those around us to move forward without Luke. Luke was a remarkable individual and will be missed that all that was fortunate to have known him. He will never be forgotten but the pain of his loss will subside to a point we can move on with our lives as he would have wanted. The Pain will never go totally away for those that loved him for he was a son, brother, husband, Dad and Best friend... Together we will honor his memory by living our lives to the fullest.  As I would tell Luke “Bulldog Rules”... We will be okay in time…


Keep dancing’ Larry B