Rediscovering Oneself.

I am in the process of doing just that rediscovering who is Larry.  Looking at where I am in my life; am I where I want to be at this point in my life. I know some of you are thinking it won't be a long process.  I have had some major events in the past few months that have me wondering where I go from here.  What is next for me in my life? Am I doing what I need to be doing with my life? I feel that I am at a crossroads and not sure what direction I should take.

At the end of 2012, I thought I had it all figured out. I was signing a contract to establish a line dance class, secure in my job and starting to meet new people in the area. Paul and I were settling into our new home here in Clarksville, all was good.

Then the first person, I develop a close bond and friendship with is diagnosed with terminal cancer.  For seven months, my life had a true purpose that of being his confidant and caregiver. Now with his passing, I am lost and wondering what do I do now.

I have been told I should go back to doing what I did prior. I just don't know if I am interested in doing what I had been doing prior to taking care of my friend.  Oh sure I still love to teach, I just don't have the drive to work on establishing a class at this time.

My professional life is secure and my boss will be glad to know I am not looking to make a change.  Well not any time soon and if I do seek a change professionally, I am not sure I want to stay in the medical profession. Yet after 30+ years what else do I have...

No, I need to seek out what is going to make me feel complete again. What will give me the sense of purpose that I feel I have lost this month. I have to do things to enrich my life.  Where to start, I work from home, so I have to seek something outside these four walls that I will enjoy and put me out with other people.

I have done a great deal of soul searching the past few weeks, just working to get my mental/emotion state back to a steady keel. I am not quite there but feel I am moving in the right direction. One day at a time is all anyone can do to regain some sense of emotional stability after a loss.

Paul and I have been to Missouri to spend time with Dad and family.  It always good to start one's rediscovery with those that have known you all your life.  They are the ones that can ground you to your original principles of life.  Paul and I took a trip to reconnect for ourselves and regroup as a couple. I believe these two actions are and was necessary to help me refocus on my relationship with family and Paul. I believe starting with these two steps necessary when rediscovering oneself to bring you back to a solid starting point. So now that I have started the healing from losing my friend and regrouping here at home. I need to focus on what is going to enrich my life.

I enjoy dancing and recently discovered that there is a Clarksville Dance Club. I found that they offer dance classes and you don't have to have a partner. So I have contacted them and plan to start classes in September. This is the first step at getting me out into the public and meeting new people.

I am looking into what volunteer options are here for the city and also what other groups are in the area that may be of interest to me. I have thought about going back to church but have not determined where I will feel comfortable or if I am ready for an organized religion again.

So my rediscovery process is underway and I feel I am making progress toward rediscovering who Larry is and what is next for me in the near future.  I think to rediscover who you are; one has to focus on where you come from, what you have accomplished, and what your true interest are that give you comfort and a feeling of purpose in your life.

Keep dancin' Larry B.