Final Farewell

October 5, 2013, Luke Henry’s family gathered at what he termed his Favorite Place on Earth. Morton’s Overlook in the Great Smokey Mountains was this place for my friend Luke. He told me over and over that part of his ashes was to be scattered at this site. He told me where they were to be scattered and that he did not want a formal ceremony. He said he just want his family to reflect on his life. He wanted all of us together and to enjoy the time together. My friend, mission accomplished just as I promised.

We often think we need words to fill our world; yet scattering the ashes in a tranquil and beautiful setting, nothing needed to be said as each individual was left to be with their own thoughts of Luke. It was best to scatter ashes quietly and without much fuss/fanfare as a sign of respect to Luke and also to keep its worldly attachment to the minimum.

More Americans these days are scattering loved ones' ashes widely, with great purpose and often without permission—an act known in the funeral industry as a "wildcat scattering." It's a reflection of both the marked rise in cremation and the growing desire by people to find their own ways to ritualize grief.

Before about 1980, just 4% of families were choosing cremation over burial. Now, 39% select cremation, and in the next 15 years, the percentage is expected to approach 60%, according to the Cremation Association of North America. The increase is being driven in part by cremation's cheaper cost, and in part by the fact that fewer extended families are rooted in one specific place anymore—which means they don't live close enough to visit a loved one's gravesite.

Choosing to scatter the ashes, rather than preserve them in an urn or bury them in a cemetery, is also becoming more popular. The Cremation Association's surveys indicate that about 135,000 families are now choosing to scatter ashes each year. In the past decade, more than 40 companies have been created to help people scatter ashes legally on land and sea by getting permissions and permits. But most families opt for wildcat scatterings, surreptitiously spreading ashes in favorite parks, stadiums, fishing spots or wherever else feels meaningful.

Scientists agree that there is no health or environmental hazard from the spread of human ashes. "It's mineral-based and typically, with wind and rain, will melt into the soil within days," says John Ross, executive director of the Cremation Association.

Grief experts tell us that it is very important to establish a permanent memorial to help survivors deal with the continued cycle of loss. This is especially important to those that choose to scatter ashes. Survivors need a place to go where they can reflect and hold onto previous memories for the years to come; a place that says, "I was here and lived a life!"  Luke ensured this part was also taken care of and has a permanent resting place in Riverside Cemetery in Hopkinsville, KY so family has a place close to visit and reflect.

If you're not sure about an appropriate scattering area, or have questions on what kind of ash scattering ceremony will be a meaningful experience for your family, it is always a good idea to consult with your funeral director. They have experience in planning such scattering events and can be very helpful in creating the kind of scattering of ashes event you desire. Today’s funeral directors act as event planners, and have the resources and contacts to get things just right for this final tribute. Keep in mind that whatever funeral services you select, scattering ashes is just the final disposition and that you can still conduct traditional funeral services prior to the cremation.

Another difficulty with cremation scattering of ashes can occur when the remains are disposed of in an anonymous, unmarked or public place. Access to the scattering area may be restricted for some reason in the future, undeveloped land may be developed, or other conditions may arise that could make it difficult for your survivors to visit the scattering site to remember you. What if your survivors relocate sometime in the future? So give some thought and discuss specific desires on where the ash scattering ceremony will take place. It is always a good idea to retain some of the ashes to keep or to scatter in a separate location in the future.

I think Luke would have liked this poem. Rest in Peace, my dear friend. May your spirit always be with each of us and watching over the beauty of the Great Smokey Mountains.

Afterglow

By Helen Lowrie Marshall and published in 1958.

I’d like the memory of me

To be a happy one.

I’d like to leave an afterglow

Of smiles when day is done.

I’d like to leave an echo

Whispering softly down the ways,

Of happy times, and laughing times

And bright and sunny days.

I’d like the tears of those who grieve

To dry before the sun

Of happy memories I leave

Behind – when day is done.

 

Keep Dancin’ Larry B