Cancer and the Care Giver

Cancer comes in many forms and attacks every location of the body. Each one presents with its own unique symptoms and challenges. The disease process has been around as long as man himself. The earliest documentation comes from ancient Egypt around 1500 BC.

As a nurse and care giver for nearly 30 years, I have taken care of many Cancer afflicted individuals. It is never an easy task working with a patient that may not survive their illness. You provide the best care you possibly can and offer as much support as possible to make their life comfortable and high in quality.
It can even be more taxing on the family/care givers than the cancer afflicted person themself. I found this to be extremely true when I took care of my mother as her cancer progressed.  At the time, I could not or would not put my stress on my immediate family they were going through their own stressors. I was a professional but as a family member I was totally at a loss about finding assistance for myself.                                  

I recently have had one of the most rewarding experiences in my personal and professional life. I am helping a dear friend deal with his fight with cancer. Being a friend and not family member has allowed me to see my friend and his family in a different perspective.  I have gained so much insight to family dynamics, every day struggle with cancer and  what both sides need to face the fight and still all of involved keep their sanity in dealing with the disease, the insurance, and the medical profession.

For if the primary care giver over extends themselves there is no one there to assist the patient in need. This time I am going to be there. Everyone's focus is on the person dealing with the daily fight that those supporting and/or providing care are left to deal with their heartache, stress and fatigue alone.

There are support groups to assist caregivers by offering counseling and respite care. It always seems that unless the local groups are entrenched at the hospital or care centers. Those that need them may never know they are available. The main reason is that professionals involved are focused on the person with cancer and neglect those taking care of the afflicted individual.

As caregiver for a loved one, you have to first know all you feelings are normal. You will experience anger, sadness, grief, loneliness, and guilt. You have to work through these feelings while at the same time deal with your loved one’s exact same issues.  It is difficult for both sides to express these issues with each other. The Caregiver wants to keep a positive supportive front and the cancer afflicted individual wants to keep any other stressors off their family/caregivers.

I did a web search and immediately found 7 support links for cancer care givers. But unless the caregiver has the foresight to seek support, a lot of times those of us in the medical profession drop the ball at assisting the care giver.

This time I, as a nurse, a friend, an adopted family member, plan on making a difference in the care of the afflicted individual and the family/care givers.

www.cancer.org/treatment/caregivers/index

www.cancer.net/coping/caregiving/being-caregiver

www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/coping/caring-for-the-careg...\

cancer.about.com/od/howtocope/a/burnout.htm

www.dana-farber.org/Adult-Care/Treatment-and-Support/Pa...

www.facebook.com/pages/Cancer-Caregiver-Support-Group/1...

www.cancercare.org/tagged/caregiving

JUDGE BY DEEDS HONOR THY WORD

I am always amazed when I tell someone I will do something and when I do it; how surprised they seem to be that I am a person that keeps his word.  I suppose we all become jaded toward our fellow man that we expect nothing. So we are surprised when someone actually does what they say they will do.

I was reared in the Midwest and it was instilled into me as a young child that you do whatever you state you will do.  Be that for the family, friends or strangers.   I was taught that you treat others as you wish to be treated. You state you will do something you do it and that everyone was the same in God’s eye and you should treat everyone the same.

I strive to be a good man and to do whatever I can to help others in need. I see so much hate, so much distrust and so much of the “ME” attitude around me. I can understand at times because of the economy, stress of job and family that one can become this way easily.  I can say that I have seen less of this since moving back to the Midwest and it is very refreshing to actually have others even say “hello”,” thank you” and “How may I help you”.

Is it that in the larger metropolitan areas that everyone is just too busy trying to survive?  They have forgotten that the only way to truly survive is to reach out to others, to accept the differences that God has created and to treat each other with respect and dignity.  I don’t have the answers and probably never will.

I know that who I am I cannot change. I know I will always look after my family, my friends and try to help complete strangers. It is what I do and hopefully it is enough.  I may not be rich in terms of wealth but I am rich beyond believe with love, understanding and compassion for those in my life and those that I encounter along the way in this life.

I recently told a new friend that is dealing with a health crisis that no matter what I was going to be there to assist him and his family. I was not going anywhere. It is who I was, that once you become a friend you become part of my family. I am like an old grizzly bear protective to my last breath.  I think at first he was skeptical that I would be there for him and his family.  I think he has come to realize that I am a man of my word. 

I honor my word, with action and not just speech. I honor my family and my beliefs by doing the best I can each and every day.  It is who I am, it is what I am.  Who among you can say the same?

Happiness Comes from Within

Life isn’t the sweetest candy. When I feel like the world is just too heavy, I first always take a deep breath and remember my grandmother. A woman, that no matter what life presented, she always was able to laugh and enjoy life. I always admired that about her, it was not till later in life that I understood that happiness came from a place called ‘self’.

So, how does one become genuinely happy? Step 1 is to love yourself.

A counselor once said to me that “loving means accepting.”  To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections must lay a great ounce of courage to be able to discover ways on how to improve your repertoire to recover from our mistakes.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are contented with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “how to be genuinely happy.”

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, winning and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy. Every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, whether it is cleaning up your room, helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, fail on board exams and trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

So my sister will understand this. Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in the NFL. Every time you take a step forward, you score points. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each day and think to yourself “Whew! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot.”, instead of looking at it all blank and murmur “Geez, I didn’t even hit a score today. I wish I had the guts to try out.”

Genuine happiness isn’t about driving the hottest car, nor getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest pay. Sometimes, the most sought after prizes in life doesn’t always go to the fastest, the strongest, and the bravest or not even the best.

Everyone has his own definition of ‘happiness’. Happiness for a writer may mean launching as many best-selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a business man may mean success. You don’t have to have the best things in this world. It’s about doing and making the best out of every single thing. When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling yourself “Oh, I’ll do better next time”, you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults, You pass step 1 in the project “how to become genuinely happy”. For as long as you know how to accept others, you will also be accepted. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

So one last time the question “how to become genuinely happy?”. I’ll leave you with this great quote- “Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughter over self. Coz then you don’t just become happy… you become free.”

Keep Dancin’ LB

 

 

PATIENCE

The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it open.
– Arnold Glasgow, American humorist

As anyone that knows me, patience is not a word that is usually used to describe me.   An ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.  Quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.  Nope just not something that I am known to fully possess.

Although it may be one of my weaker attributes, it is usually because I care so deeply about a topic or person that I want it to succeed or for something to occur timely.  I have recently been reminded that I have no control over a great deal in my life especially when it comes to helping friends in need.  Dealing with the medical profession can be trying to say the least; this coming from a medical professional of nearly 30 years.  I know how wrong things can go with lack of communication and it becomes even more an issue when it involves someone in your personal life.

Learning to be patient is a decision you consciously make. You decide to wait instead of becoming tense, angry and overreact to a situation. You make the decision to restrain yourself. You choose to use self-control to wait. It takes practice. To be patient, you need to change your mindset and the way you react when things don't go your way.  That being said, I must practice hourly to ensure I am able to provide that solid front of patience to ensure those I love and care for are dealt with timely and efficiently.

I want my co-workers, friends and family to view me as a solid patient person that they can always depend upon for strength and support. When in reality at times, I am just bouncing around inside my body with energy because things are not moving fast enough or good enough for those in my life.

I wanted to put in writing for myself mainly on how would be best way to learn to be patient and then do my best to practice what I preach so to speak. After reading and researching I think I have come up with six basic strategies that I am able to put in place to help me with my impatience.

1.   Develop realistic expectations. Learn to expect and plan for things not always going smoothly so you will be prepared if you encounter complications and be pleased if you don't.(Not an easy one I expect things to go smoothly)

 

2.   Realize that setbacks are only temporary. Resilient people choose to view difficult times as temporary setbacks, believing that the difficulty will pass.(Okay, but I hate setbacks)

 

3.   Employ a problem solving attitude instead of choosing to be a victim. People who see themselves as victims seem to believe the world is out to get them, while problem solvers can clearly see what they can and cannot change without taking things so personally.(Never consider myself a victim) 

4.   Avoid bitterness because it is dangerous to your physical, mental and emotional health. Bitter people tend to overreact, hold grudges and live miserable lives. (This one I have surpassed, yeah!)

5.   Have faith that you can overcome a difficult situation. Be patient knowing that if you have overcome a difficulty before that you can use that as encouragement to get through life's ups and downs.(still one that I have trouble with at times)

6.   Be aware of triggers that cause you to become impatient. If it's something you can change, take steps to change it. If not, then adjust your attitude and mindset accordingly.

You have to remember that others often see impatient people as arrogant, insensitive, and impulsive.  Some people will even avoid impatient people, because of their poor people skills and bad tempers. Impatience can even affect relationships at home.

The more patient you are with others, the likelier you are to be viewed positively by your peers, not to mention your family and friends.

So okay I know I am not the most patient individual. I recognize the issue and will strive to be better at being patient. After all I do want to be best person I can be for my family, friends, and coworkers.

Keep Dancin’ Larry B.

FRIENDSHIP

Everyone hears what you say. Friends listen to what you say. Best friends listen to what you don't say. (Unknown)

Friendship is a distinctively personal relationship that is grounded in a concern on the part of each friend for the welfare of the other, for the other's sake, and that involves some degree of intimacy. As such, friendship is undoubtedly central to our lives, in part because the special concern we have for our friends must have a place within a broader set of concerns, including moral concerns, and in part because our friends can help shape who we are as persons.

Developing friendships can be difficult in today’s society. Who can you trust with the intimate details of your life?  Who is not just out there to use you and then discard you once they achieve their goal? We face this every day and moving to a new location only emphasizes the difficulty of meeting and making new friends.

Yet there are times in your life that you happen to talk to a person for short time, then by chance meet them again. You talk and in only a few moments of conversation you know in your heart that this is a good person and worthy of exploring a friendship. I have had this awesome experience a few times in my life that only after a brief conversation knew that person and I would become long lasting friends.

This recently occurred and I know my life has been enriched by meeting this person.  This new found friend is someone that I instantly felt comfortable to open my life too and have developed a close connection within just a short time.  They say the Good Lord places people in our lives at certain times for a reason and I believe this to be the case.

For there is no other reason I can think of that we would meet; start developing such a great friendship and then he is diagnosed with Cancer.  I felt cheated, upset, and simply royally pissed off. I mean why him and why now.  God knows I don’t make friends easily; this hillbilly can be a difficult person to deal with to say the least.  So yes, I was a little ticked off.

Since my Mom’s passing, I call upon her for guidance; after all she is one of my guardian angels. As I was talking to her the other night, this beautiful white tail Doe walks out of the woods and comes within 20 feet of me. She did not run off but simply stood there and stare directly at me. For me that was the sign I needed, I knew I was on the right path at this juncture in my life.

I knew in my heart what I had to do, first I had to come to terms with the fact that my friend was in a crisis.  The next thing was simple; to have friends you have to be one and I am determined to be the best friend this individual has ever had in his life. 

Of course, I have teased him because you know laughter is the best medicine; He now has to deal with the stubborn Hillbilly who will badger him to stay motivated, positive and to take every day by the horns.  

The following are two quotes that really hit home for me when it comes to friendship. The first is just one I think is cute yet true, the last one is one that is close to my heart and the way I feel about my friends.

“If all my friends were to jump off a bridge, I wouldn't jump with them; I'd be at the bottom to catch them.”

A friend is someone who, upon seeing another friend in immense pain, would rather be the one experiencing the pain, than to have to watch their friend suffer.
-- Amanda Gier

So yes, as always WE will Keep Dancin’ Larry B

Happy as You Want to Be

Almost everyone has heard the hit single 'Don't Worry, Be Happy' by Bobby McFerrin. The song has a very catchy way of conveying its message of being happy to everyone.  Living a happy, resilient and optimistic life is wonderful, and is also good for your health. Being happy actually protects you from the stresses of life. Stress is linked to top causes of death such as heart disease, cancer and stroke.

One of the better things ever said is - 'The only thing in life that will always remain the same is change', and in our life we have the power to make the necessary changes if we want to. Even if we find ourselves in an unbearable situation we can always find solace in the knowledge that it too would change.

Social networks or relationships are essential to happiness. People are different, accept people for whom or what they are, avoid clashes, constant arguments, and let go of all kinds of resentments. If arguments seem unavoidable still try and make an effort to understand the situation and you might just get along.

Happiness is actually found in everyone, increasing it is a way to make life more wonderful and also healthier. To be happy is relatively easy; just decide to be a happy person. Abraham Lincoln observed that most people most of the time can choose how happy or stressed, how relaxed or troubled, how bright or dull their outlook to be. The choice is simple really, choose to be happy.

There are several ways by which you can do this.

Being grateful is a great attitude.  We have so much to be thankful for. Thank the taxi driver for bringing you home safely, thank the cook for a wonderful dinner and thank the guy who cleans your windows. Also thank the mailman for bringing you your mail, thank the policeman for making your place safe and thank God for being alive.

News is stressful. Some people just can't start their day without their daily dose of news. Try and think about it, 99% of the news we hear or read is bad news. Starting the day with bad news does not seem to be a sensible thing to do. Yet I am guilty of having to have my news via television and newspaper every morning.

Manage your time. Time is invaluable and too important to waste. Time management can be viewed as a list of rules that involves scheduling, setting goals, planning, creating lists of things to do and prioritizing. These are the core basics of time management that should be understood to develop an efficient personal time management skill. These basic skills can be fine-tuned further to include the finer points of each skill that can give you that extra reserve to make the results you desire.

Laugh and laugh heartily every day.  Heard a good joke? Tell your friends or family about it. As they also say -'Laughter is the best medicine'. Express your feelings, affections, friendship and passion to people around you. They will most likely reciprocate your actions. Try not to keep pent up anger of frustrations, this is bad for your health. Instead find ways of expressing them in a way that will not cause more injury or hurt to anyone.

Working hard brings tremendous personal satisfaction. It gives a feeling of being competent in finishing our tasks. Accomplishments are necessary for all of us; they give us a sense of value. Work on things that you feel worthy of your time.

Learning is a joyful exercise. Try and learn something new every day.  Learning also makes us expand and broaden our horizons.  It could also give you more opportunities in the future.  Run, jog, walk and do other things that your body was made for. Avoid exposure to negative elements like loud noises, toxins and hazardous places. These are the few simple things you can do every day to be happy.

Remember this quote from Abraham Lincoln, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Till Next Time LB

 

2013 Year of Dance

2013 is going to be my Year of Dance and I am so excited.  I have signed the contract with the City of Clarksville which is through August of this year then we will look at extending contract to a yearly basis. Of course, that will all depend on the success I have at establishing a great ongoing class program.

Am I worried, a little but I have faith that I am a great Instructor and that the students will spread the word that LB’s classes are fun, energetic and a great form of exercise.  I have already prepared a great variety of beginner/intermediate dances that encompass music from country to pop.  I will continue to watch the web for new dances that I feel will fit into this area. The one thing I have learned with teaching at the Clarksville Athletic Club is that Pop and Country are the two favorite genres.  I will see once the classes get going if I need to expand on that area.

I will be doing continued research to provide a great variety of great dances for the students. I will most likely pull what is popular in local clubs. I will continue to check out the most popular dances from the websites and dance classes around the country.  I want my students to be able to jump in at any club or class they happen upon.

I am now in negotiations with the City of Oak Grove, Kentucky to provide an International Line Dance program at their community center.  This would be a great location for a program due to the close proximity to Ft. Campbell Army Post. I feel we could offer a great program for the Military families in the area.  These negotiations are still ongoing at this time. I have proposed a free Introduction to Line Dance class to see what type of response we may be able to get on that side of the county.  I think we can pull students from neighboring towns like Hopkinsville, Guthrie and Pembroke by starting this program.

Yes, 2013 has been dubbed Larry B’s Year of Dance.  I encourage anyone visiting the area to drop in on a class and if you have any friends/family in the area to pass the word along that we are going to have a great year of dance in Clarksville, Tennessee.  See you on the Dance Floor

Keep Dancin’

LB